New year - more questions and more decision to make...
I went to Vienna with millions of questions. I was very afraid of all big decisions I was about to take and terrified of what New Year will bring. I wanted to stay in Czech republic, I had no job (before Christmas I was not accepted for a job position with POLISH) and a rent to pay. Last year I was also offered to do Ph.D. in Brno and if that is not enough, again I started asking God about ESM. So with 20 EUR in my pocket, I said, hey, I need to go to EEYM in Vienna. Thanks to my community it became possible. In Vienna, I started to ask what first, maybe I should choose, what I should just let go… And on the Mercy evening he answered:
"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Flp 4,19)
Not only I received an answer, but also a great peace, that I don’t need to make all decision in this moment, but I need to pray (a lot) and keep asking. During the forum in Vienna, I wanted to talk with one girl from Czech republic, who in the ESM in Alltötting, but it didn’t work out. You may imagine my face expression when I got into one of few cars heading to Czech republic, sad that we didn’t have a chance to talk and she said Hi! By the way, before going to ESM she was accepted for Ph.D.
After EEYM in Vienna I got back to a book about Pierre Goursat and I read, that if you pray for less than half an hour, nothing good will come from you. These words keep a miracle happening, which started on first of January, I pray every day in the morning on the bus, when I go to work, also in the evening, I go for adoration at least 2-3 times a week. And it doesn’t stop! This great joy!
Oh, usually during evangelization I stayed in the church. This time God gave me the peace and Holy Spirit and I went out. The same Holy Spirit enables me to say at work – Yes, I believe in God.
But after EEYM I started again thinking, why am in Brno? Why did I stay here? Well, I decided to stay in Czech republic, but a reason to stay in Brno – was the community. Choosing Brno made the process of looking for a job much complicated, comparing to Prague. I said, God, if you want me to stay here, give me a job. Less than two weeks after it, I signed a job contract. Then I went to Nitra, thinking: Well I have a job, bye bye to Ph.D. and ESM. I met Arek and Eva from ESM Rome in Nitra. Again I started asking and He answered. In words and in people He put on my way. I was hoping to go to visit ESM Rome before Eastern and go to the forum in Alltötting, but I will have to be at work at that time, so, for now, it seems ESM doors are closed for me, also for financial reasons. Also a few days ago I met my friend from Poland in Brno, who is currently doing Ph.D. and she encouraged me to try to do Ph.D.
In Vienna, God made a promise and I know he will fulfill it. How? I have NO idea. It seems IMPOSSIBLE. Without a really big miracle, it will be it will not happen.